Later

I heard The Ninja on the phone with Friend (aka partner in crime) from last week. You'll remember that our families made different choices. The friend is undergoing restrictions, but apparently nowhere near as severe as the ones we have imposed.

After his call ended, Ninja complained that Friend stole more stuff than he did, but had a lesser punishment. I reminded Ninja that, before the shopping spree, he had already ripped us off for a substantial amount of money buying songs on iTunes. He turned away to go back to his room, and all I heard was "Unfair".

Heartbroken

Last Tuesday, The Ninja and a friend decided to go shopping at the mall.

Without any money.

The two 14-year-old knuckleheads sauntered around, throwing two pairs of sneakers and earbud headphones in a backpack.

Until Ninja got caught sticking a wallet in his pocket in Big Well-Known Department Store.

I got a call from Ninja about 3 pm. "Mom......." Then a staff security member came on and explained what had happened. I charged down to the mall.

By the time the friend's mother and I got there, Friend was sobbing. Ninja was sitting nonchalantly, looking unconcerned. Friend was upset and promising he'd never do it again. Ninja said he'd just go out and do it again.

Big Well-Known Department Store was willing to release the boys to our custody, without law enforcement involvement. Friend's mother took him home, promising that family friends who are police officers would be giving him a strongly worded talk.

Due to the bravado and the attitude, we decided to lower the boom on the Ninja. Waited for a police officer to arrive. During the wait, Ninja started to seem upset, sitting on a bench with his head in his hands.

Officer arrived. Gave Ninja a talking-to while taking down information and writing an appearance ticket. Put Ninja in handcuffs and took him to the precinct. L. and I followed. More talking-to, from a detective and another office, took place. We signed for him and took him home.

He has a court date on Tuesday. We have engaged an attorney who is a family friend. Attorney says that what will probably happen, due to Ninja's age, is supervised probation, attendance at a StopLift program, and sealing of the records if he stays out of trouble for a period of time.

Earlier in the week, Ninja said to me that he's never going to shoplift again. This morning, he said that he doesn't know whether he will or not. I feel sick to my stomach.

Any advice, encouragement or words of wisdom, anyone?

A bad couple of days

The Ninja made a really bad choice on Tuesday. No one is physically hurt, but the emotional pain is intense. More later when I have the heart to describe it.

Good visit

I had a good visit with Toots at Children’s Hospital yesterday afternoon. She showed off her latest artwork and her newly painted nails. We talked about how she’s doing there; things have been going pretty well for a couple of weeks, and she is working on her “Level 2” application. This refers to the hospital’s point system, in which her behaviors and staff recommendations contribute to reaching a higher level with additional privileges. We played Rack-O, a card game that’s an old family favorite. When Toots is feeling well and behaving appropriately, she can be very sweet and fun to be around.

It’s sometimes difficult to remember why she is hospitalized. Then, all I have to do is look at the scars up and down her left forearm. You see, she’s right-handed, so she cuts on her left arm, and when she’s mad she’ll punch a wall or door with her right. She’s broken her hand and wrist several times. I hope the good time lasts for a while, this round.

Cause and effect

Just got off the phone with the nursing supervisor from Toots' unit. Because of the furniture throwing, her doctor has decided that she can't ride unescorted with me to her gastro appointment tomorrow. She and a staff person will take a Medicaid cab and meet me there. So, once again, she has sabotaged something she wanted (driving with me, so she can ask to go shopping or eat) by her own behavior.

She has done this so many times over the years, it doesn't even surprise us anymore.

Lurching along from crisis to crisis

Toots attended school on Tuesday and Wednesday. She told us that she spent all day Tuesday drawing (remember, she's in 11th grade), because "they didn't have all the information on me yet." Wednesday, she got off the bus, went into the residence, and told a staff member that she had a good day. Within a few minutes, that had been downgraded to "it was all right, I guess." Within a few more minutes, she was weeping to the social worker that people picked on her and she wasn't going back. SW, of course, attempted to encourage her. Toots wasn't saying what she was picked on about.

Thursday,she made good on her promise. She wouldn't get up and go to school. And, at the size she is now, you CAN'T get her up if she doesn't want to. During the morning, the SW and other staff attempted to talk to her in the living room. According to SW, Toots took the blind cord, fashioned it into a noose, and laid it on top of her head. I wasn't there to see it, but by her speech and behavior she "appeared to be reacting to internal stimuli". Translated, she appeared to be hearing voices again. The decision was made, with our consent, to take her back to the hospital for evaluation. Apparently, before they left the house, she made another noose out of another cord.

By the time I met Toots, the SW and the house nurse at the hospital, Toots was crying and saying she didn't mean it, she was just fooling around, she didn't need to be there, she just wanted to go back to the house. She said she would go to school if she could go to "Tech" (the well-respected vocational high school program, which she was scheduled to attend this past fall.)

Problem is, she has a long history of hurting herself, more or less seriously, when told to do so by the voices. The hallucinations have been under control with lithium for years, but who's to know if that has changed, or what she would do to herself?

Other problem is, maybe she could go to Tech, but it can't be arranged overnight. Also, it would only be for half of the school day. Also, her behavior there would have to be close to perfect, and the last time she was in school, last June, it was nowhere near.

So she spent the weekend in the hospital and is still there today. I visited her yesterday, bringing her shampoo, conditioner, magazines, and body wash. As she so often does, she complained that she was getting frustrated and mad about "other people's drama". Does she fantasize a world in which no one other than her experienced any "drama", or any rights to express emotions, either? Oh, Toots, you're destined for perpetual disappointment if that's what you wish.

So the school issue remains unresolved. We have hoped and prayed that she would at least complete high school, with either a diploma or other credential that's available to her. It looks less and less likely.

Timely phone call

As soon as I finished writing the previous post, the phone rang. It was the social worker from Toots' house, with information on what happened last evening.

The rule is that girls may have cell phones, but they can only use them when they are out of the house. When home, they may ask to use the house phone to make calls. Toots has been aware of this rule since before she moved in. Last night, she insisted that she wanted her cell phone, marched into the office, sat for 15 minutes (she weighs over 300 pounds, and she can't be shifted if she doesn't want to), grabbed the phone, lay on the floor, and kept saying that, since other girls didn't follow the rules, why should she? A senior staff member was able to talk to her and get her to give it back.

Now, Toots' behavior at the house has been pretty good overall. Lew and I last night, and the social worker this morning, are in agreement that this episode might be due to anxiety over returning to school. I hope it doesn't become a pattern.

By the way, Toots did get up, dress, and got on the bus this morning. And neither the social worker nor I has received a call yet.

When I have more energy I will write about the events of last spring, and why she wound up back in the hospital for nearly six months.